Multiple Personality Mamma

Would someone please explain to me how I can possibly be two people at the same time? How can I be the hard-charging, workaholic, ambitious worker while at the same time be the working mom who wants to leave the office as close to 5 pm as possible, doesn't want any additional responsiblities, and would rather cut off a limb than have direct reports?

I just had a conversation with my boss (see Work/Life Balance Baloney) about scaling back my hours and I have the nerve to be resentful when other colleagues are assigned subordinates and/or are elevated to run a group of four. What is my problem? Do I want more responsiblity or less? Would I just make up my mind?

I know what the problem is: In my heart I know that work needs to play second fiddle to my family but that's a hard pill for my pre-child, corporate-ladder-climbing self to swallow. I need to put the ambitious part of myself on hold until and if I and my family are ready for me to resume my work-first ways.

If I repeat the above to myself enough times do you think I'll eventually believe it? When will my inner struggle end?